"Here am I. Send Me"

Do you ever get the feeling that God is trying to tell you something? Well, I had one of those moments a few years back. It was my first year of Bible College. I had answered God's call on my life to go into ministry, youth ministry to be exact. So I went to Boyce College and majored in Youth Ministry...

Within about a six month span, I went to various services at different churhces and at school. During this time, I heard five separate sermons on Isaiah 6. I thought it was coincidental the first two times I went to a service and the preacher's text was Isaiah 6, but after the third and fourth times, I started to wonder...is God trying to tell me something?

This passage of Scripture is entitled "Isaiah's Commission" in my Bible. I really started to get the feeling that God was speaking to my heart about obedience to His calling. Sure, I had answered God's call into ministry by going to Bible college. But it didn't end there. Little did I know, God was planning to call me into something entirely different that what I had thought.

Over the course of the next year, I felt God telling me that I was going into Youth Ministry, just in a different capacity. I was going to marry a Youth Pastor. God also placed in my heart a desire to be a stay-at-home mom. My husband and I served in youth ministry in a couple different churches, and then God yet again changed our calling to Pastoral ministry. Now, God is placing a burden on my heart to homeschool our children.

The one thing I took from all of those sermons on Isaiah 6, several years ago, is that when God asks me to do something, I should always say "yes." No matter how uncertain, or scary, or uncomfortable the task is, I must answer, "Here am I. Send me."

Authentic Christianity

What does a Christian look like? I'm not talking about someone who calls themselves a Christian...but really truly is the "real deal." There is obviously a difference, because as long as I've been in church (since I was in the womb), I have seen people that claim to be a Christian and then totally deny Christ with their lifestyle. Being a "pastor's kid" growing up, I had been to more church services (regular services, business meetings, prayer meetings, etc.) before the age of 12 then a lot of people go to their entire lives. And if there is one thing I have learned, it is how to spot an "AUTHENTIC Christian."

When I think of something being labeled "authentic," I am talking about the true definition of authenticity. The dictionary defines authentic as: not false or copied; genuine; real. There are a lot of fake Christians in churches today. People that come to a church service and go through the motions of church, and then continue on the rest of their week as if Christ doesn't exist. If you have ever heard the song "What if I Stumble" by DC Talk, there is a powerful quote at the beginning. "The greatest single cause of atheism in the world today is Christians who acknowledge Jesus with their lips and walk out the door and deny Him by their lifestyle. That is what an unbelieving world simply finds unbelievable."

I'm not claiming to be the "perfect Christian" by any means, and I would be the first to admit that there were times while I was growing up that I fell into this category of proclaiming Christ in word, but not in action. But I am so thankful for the examples of authentic Christianity that I had. First, I had my parents. Let me tell you, growing up with your dad as your pastor is not easy. However, I got a different perspective of my "pastor," since he was my dad. And I can honestly say, that he is the real deal. He never stood behind the pulpit and preached or taught something that he didn't practice. It was evident in his every day life, in word and deed, that Christ was in control. I knew my mom did her Bible study every morning. She was the perfect example of what a compassionate, loving, caring Christian should be.

There have also been other teachers, friends, or mentors that provided me with a great example of what a true Christian is. And I'm blessed to have a husband who is a spiritual leader and practices what he preaches. But the one thing they all have in common, is this...they are AUTHENTIC. Some people claiming to be Christians may be able to "fake it" at church or around other Christians. However, the true test is how they live outside the church. You can't hide much from your family. Your spouse and children know if you are real or fake. Your close friends and co-workers see how you act outside of church. How do you treat people you come into contact with? People such as waiters, salespeople, your kids' teachers or coaches. Are you pointing people to Christ?


"To live consistently and authentically, our relationship with Jesus has to affect every aspect of life." -Rebecca George


My dad always told me, that one of the biggest tests of a person's realtionship with Christ is not how they act, but how they REACT. One of the greatest compliments I have ever received was from a godly man whom I had great respect for, in one of the churches we served at. One day he told me, "I can see Christ in you." While I hope to be the best wife, mother, daughter, Pastor's wife and friend I can be, nothing comes close to who I am in Christ. When my life comes to an end, that is all that will matter.


"We do not segment our lives, giving some time to God, some to our business or schooling, while keeping other parts to ourselves. The idea is to live all of our lives in the presence of God, under the authority of God, and for the honor and glory of God. That is what the Christian life is all about." -R.C. Sproul

Contentment

The subject of contentment is something very close to my heart. It is something that I have struggled with for a long time. You see, I have this BIG problem, and it's called WORRY. I worry about literally everything. All. The. Time.

I can honestly say that some of that worry comes from my desire to be "perfect" in all things. I totally fit the profile for the "Perfectionist" personality. And you know what this striving for "perfection" has left me with? That's right...worries.

I worry that I will get sick (or worse) on a daily basis. Because, if I get sick, then who will do the laundry, cook, clean, take care of the kids? In my right mind, I know that my husband will help, he always does. But still, the worry is there. I worry that one of my kids will get sick (or worse). I worry that my house won't be "clean enough." This is partly to blame on my parents. While they are absolutely wonderful, they instilled in me this standard of cleanliness and order that I can't get out of my mind. I worry about not meeting other people's standards, whether it be in ministry or parenting, etc. (There's that whole "perfectionism" thing again.) I worry about all the "What If's" in life.

I worry so much, that sometimes after mulling over something over and over again, I will lose my train of thought...and then I worry about not remembering what I was worrying about. Are you still following me here? I told you it was bad...

But, several years ago I read this book called "Calm My Anxious Heart" by Linda Dillow. She is an amazing author and I have read almost all her books. This book in particular feels like it was written especially for me. In the first few chapters, Dillow adresses not the issue of WORRY, but rather the issue of CONTENTMENT.

I have to admit that I hadn't associated those two things together before. But as I read the first chapter this is what I highlighted...

A Prescription for Contentment:
*Never allow yourself to complain about anything--not even the weather.
*Never picture yourself in any other circumstances or someplace else.
*Never compare your lot with another's.
*Never allow yourself to wish this or that had been otherwise.
*Never dwell on tomorrow--remember that [tomorrow] is God's, not ours.

The author goes on to talk about the "secret to contentment." It's found in God's Word. "I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through Him who gives me strength." -Philippians 4:11-13

That means that I CAN be content no matter what life throws at me. In any situation, and at all times, God can give me strength to handle it. J. I. Packer says this, "Contenment is essentially a matter of accepting from God's hand what He sends because we know that He is good and therefore it is good."

As I realized how much this worry was connected to contentment, God started showing me other things in my life. I wasn't content. There was always something more that I wanted. When I was single, I wanted to be married. When I was married, I wanted to have a baby. When I had a baby, I wanted a house. You see...there's always something else that I "don't have." I think that when I stopped focusing on what I didn't have that I thought I should, I was able to release a lot of my worry. Don't get me wrong, it is still something I struggle with every single day. But, I can go back to those verses and realize that no matter what I have or don't have, no matter what season of life I am in, God will give me the strength to handle it.

Linda Dillow says it this way, "Our thought life--not our circumstances--determines whether we are content." It's not about where I am or what I have. The important thing is where I'm focused. And my focus is on Christ.

What is Your Legacy?

Have you ever really thought about the word legacy? A legacy is defined in different ways, but the one I want to focus on is this...Legacy: Something handed down from an ancestor or a predecessor from the past.

I have been thinking about this a lot lately. We had a wonderful, godly older woman from our church pass away last week. She had 12 children, and numerous grandchildren, great grandchildren, and even great-great grandchildren. As I sat through her funeral and watched her family, I couldn't help but feel overwhelemed by the love that was shown for her. Many got up and spoke of this woman's unfailing faith in Christ, her devotion to her family, and her love for others.

It got me thinking...what kind of legacy will I leave? When my time here on earth is done, what will I have accomplished?

I know what I hope my legacy will be. I hope that I will pass on the faith to my children that my parents passed to me. I hope that I will make an eternal impact for the Kingdom.

The lyrics of the song "Legacy" by Nichole Nordeman truly express what I hope to leave behind...

"Legacy"

I don't mind if you've got something nice to say about me
I enjoy an accalade like the rest.
You could take my picture and hang it in a gallery
Of all the who's who's and so-and-sos
That use to be the best at such-and-such
It wouldn't matter much.

I won't lie if feels alright to see your name in lights
We all need an ada boy or ada girl
In the end I'd like to hang my hat on more besides
The temporary trapping of this world

I want to leave a legacy
How will they remember me
Did I choose to love
Did I point to You enough
To make a mark on things
I want to leave an offering
A child of mercy and grace
Who blessed Your name unapologetically
To leave that kind a legacy

Don't have to look too far or too long awhile
To make a lengthy list of all that I enjoy
It's an accumulating trenket in a treasure pile
Where moths and rust theives and such will soon enough destroy

I want to leave a legacy
How will they remember me
Did I choose to love
Did I point to You enough
To make a mark on things
I want to leave an offering
A child of mercy and grace
Who blessed Your name unapologetically
To leave that kind a legacy

Not well traveled not well read
Not well to do or well bred
I just want to hear instead
"Well done good and faithful one"

I want to leave a legacy
How will they remember me
Did I choose to love
Did I point to You enough
To make a mark on things
I want to leave an offering
A child of mercy and grace
Who blessed Your name unapologetically
To leave that kind a legacy

Unfading Beauty

Teeth Whitening, Spray Tans, Fake Nails, Mega Hair, it's all part of a pageant...for toddlers?

I recently watched an episode of "Toddlers and Tiaras" on TLC. I have to admit, that I was pretty amused by the ridiculous mothers on the show. However, my amusement quickly turned to pity for these little girls (children) that are being taught that their worth is measured by their outer beauty and talent.

Being a girl isn't easy. From an early age we are bombarded with the message that "beauty is everything." We all want to be princesses, becuase of course princesses always look pretty. As we get older we want to have the latest fashions, the most enviable hair style, and a body that is a "perfect ten." Everything in our culture emphasizes that looks are important. From TV, to magazines, to movies, to the internet, it all says the same thing. I'll refer back to one of those mothers from "Toddlers and Tiaras" that stated very matter-of-fact, "the pretty kids are the popular kids, the one everyone wants to be friends with."

Even as Christian women, we fall into this trap. I very painfully went through the "ugly duckling" stage in middle school and early high school. I felt like I was inadqaute in many ways. I was "too skinny", "too pale", and "had poor fashion sense." I subscribed to the latest teen magazines and would put myself through the torture every month of disecting every "imperfect" part of my outward appearance. It doesn't help when you have friends or family members that, although not trying to hurt you, point out these insecurities. Top that off with being friends with the girl that "every guy wants to date," and it's enough to make anyone feel like a total loser.

Then it happened...kind of like it does in the movies. When the girl that is awkward and frumpy suddenly becomes attractive and interesting. As I came out of the "ugly duckling" stage, I felt like I had finally made it. I mean, I was no supermodel, but I felt like at last I met the world's standard of "beauty." I suddenly had the attention of boys that I had so desperately longed for. But, I still had insecurities. I felt more pressure to keep up. I had to look "perfect" at all times.

It wasn't until I went away to Bible college that I learned something different. Something that is in stark contrast to what the world teaches. I learned about inward beauty. I feel like I truly came into my own as I spent more time perfecting my "inner self" rather than my outer appearance. Just as Moses' appearance was changed after spending time with God on Mount Sinai, "he was not aware that his face was radiant because he had spoken with the Lord" Exodus 34:29, the more time I spent reading my Bible, praying, and worshiping God, I feel the more "radiant" I became.

Don't get me wrong, I am not saying that I think I'm beautiful. At least, not by the world's standard. 1 Peter 3:3-4 states, "Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight."

I have learned that my TRUE worth comes from who I am in Jesus Christ. And it is important for me to remember this, and share it with other girls. It is important because I have two girls of my own. Two little girls who want to be princesses. I have to be very conscious about the way I praise them. I find myself often telling my oldest girl, "you're so pretty." While this is true, I have to be careful that I emphasize true character qualities, and not just physical beauty. I have to be intentional about praising her for telling the truth, serving others, and memorizing Scripture.

I hope that I can be the louder voice in my daughters' ears. I can't completely shelter them from the world's standards. But I can however teach them something different. I can teach them that their worth is not found in worldly things or by the way they look. I can teach them to value themselves based on God's Word.

If there is one thing I have learned since having children, it is that outward beauty certainly doesn't last. Having a child changes your body, and raising children certainly influences your outward appearance. Most days I am lucky to get some make-up on, and am very fond of comfortable clothes over the latest fashions. And while I feel it's important to take care of yourself and not be a slob, that's not where I find my value.

Proverbs 31:30 says it best, "Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised."